some honesty

I've been battling ever since I started this blog (2 days ago, I know-don't judge) on how to continue it.  What do I say next?  Will my readers, if I have any readers, like it? 

I had a friend text me after I posted that she liked my blog and it made my heart a flutter, since I'm being honest in this post.  I told her she just boosted my self esteem and I felt like Glen Coco, and not Gretchen Weiners ("4 for you, Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco!...aaaand, none for Gretchen Weiners") and that no matter if I told myself it didn't matter if people liked what I put down or not, that's not the truth.  I do care, and as much as I'd like to find my complete identity in the Lord at all times, I still falter and get caught up in how others view me. But I do still want to write something that y'all enjoy... so you're welcome to hold me to that and call me out ;)

I would like to take this chance to thank everyone who's reached out and hollered at your girl-woop! Ahem, Ok, I'm back.  My initial thought is that it sucks that something like this should bond people together, but I realize that's not true!  It can't just be the good times, the bridal showers and new babies and graduations and completions of the Hunger Games trilogy where we should get stoked and congratulate each other-life isn't just about that.  It's messy.  It's dirty.  And it's sad, sometimes too.  But we're not just connected through good times, we're not just friends when it's happy.  And that's what I'm reminded of when y'all "like" my post about having Hodgkins or write something on my wall, text me, call me, or whoever sent that one random carrier pigeon yesterday...we encourage and uplift each other through the shit, too.  And please don't feel bad if you haven't or don't say anything-because I'm totes one of those people-I will read your updates, love to hear what's going on in your life, see new pics, get mad when you don't have a new blog post for 3 days, and yet I'll never comment myself.  There's some honesty for ya!  But I appreciate it all.

So, you may or may not be wondering, "What's a ninnymuggin, anyway?"  Like many other good quotes and phrases in my life, it originates from a move, in this case Elf.  (Where Will Ferrel's character refers to himself as a "cottonheaded ninnymuggin" which is quite an insult)  however, over the course of this summer it changed, it morphed, and it became instead, a phrase of endearment.  There are two whom I refer to who are ninnymuggins, the first being her:

The adorable Kris Jerauld-the Retail Manager at Rockbridge Alum Springs, whom I had the pleasure of working under this summer, learning how a YL Camp Store runs.  She's also the one who introduced me to the wonder of the Flip n' Fold, and made me super angry at myself for thrifting the one Chad had when we got married.  You know how sometimes names just stick?  I can't even tell you how we started using "ninnymuggins," probably from one of our epic movie quoting sessions, but it stuck and she's my little ninnymuggins now.

The second whom I refer to as ninnymuggins, or ninny for short is him:

That's not the original pic I wanted to use...being an avid cat lady already, I've got many more pics to choose from, but I guess you'll have to wait for more posts to see those!  Look at him with his little mouse, he's so cute, little ninny.  Oh, why is he wearing a cone?  It's a long story, I'll tell it at some point, but know that he's getting it off soon! 

p.s. This blog has taken me like 2 hours so far...anybody who knows their way around blogspot, I'd welcome some advice.  like, how do I put a pic in the background? 

Anyway, I'll finish with some funny bullet points about chemo thusfar, and I'll write more tomorrow on cancer and how it's affecting us, what we've been through to this point...

Dear chemo, while I understand you're here to help, you're still poison, flowing through my veins killing both good and bad cells.  So on that note, here's how I feel about you and what you do to my body right now:

• I'm excited when I can actually blame you for my poor memory.  "Chemo brain" is what I hear the folks call it.
• I feel 50/50 about the fatigue you cause me.  I enjoy daily naps with the best of 'em,  but I'm still not so sure about this "tired all the time" business.
• Thank you for only taking away the ability to choose when I poop for 5 days this past treatment.  That was also my first bout with constipation, ever.  I don't recommend it.  But, on the plus side, when all that wore off and the anti-constipation drugs kicked in, I'm only 2 diarrhea's away from my goal weight!
• Jaw pain was an interesting side affect.  Made me feel like I was 13 again and getting a new wire on, but it also makes me glad I'm a super nerd and still wear my retainer at night, cause I do not want to go through braces again...talk about social suicide! ;)
• One good thing you've done (besides hopefully shrink the mass in my chest) is make me realize how amazing my husband is...so attentive, wanting and available to help my every need.  A girl could get used to this.

xoxo Em