Bring it on Home

dear sweet ninny, I've neglected you.  And not because I want to.  Where do the days go?  They slip right on by...while there's fun being had, struggles being worked out...I've had quite a few folks tell me I need to update, and I do, I do.  I know I do...

I'm torn tonight.  I pulled up a trusty old playlist on my iTunes and the first song was Bring it on Home by Little Big Town.  Now, don't hate if you're not a country music fan, cause I'm gonna show you how you can love this song regardless of what musical snack you choose to dine on regularly!  I'm torn because it's speaking to me y'all...("Tony, dogs don't a talk!" "He's a talking to me!"  -NAME THAT MOVIE!)

So it's been speaking to me tonight...while I'm in a few days of recovery (Chemo #6 happened on Tuesday-oooh halfway there...living on a prayer...ok ok I'm done)  But seriously, I am halfway done with chemo, if you're not following my rabbit trail here.

Anyway, back to the song...pull it up on YouTube, or "The YouTube" as some peoples parents have been known to call it...read along, listen to it, enjoy some thoughts in red...

You got someone here wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you more than life right here
You got willing arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get all tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself-I'm the worst culprit of this...I wish to be open and honest with people but I frequently keep it inside, the good and the bad, thinking I don't want to bother others...but is it really easier to try and do it all yourself?

[Chorus:]
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet-I feel this tonight.  Quite literally I am dragging my feet, mainly because all my toes are once again numb and it's a bit of a struggle walking properly, but you know the feeling they're talking about here...
The weight of the world is on your shoulders-ha, maybe the weight of my little world, but man, doesn't it seem like the whole dang thing when you're facing a tough time in your life?
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me

You know I know you like the back of my hand
But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here
I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep
When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here (yes I am)
So take your worries and just drop them at the door
Baby leave it all behind

[Chorus]

Baby let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come and carry you away

[Chorus]

You got someone here wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you more than life right here

Like how I left all the "chorus" cues in there?  Just for funzies, even though it's driving me crazy.

That line in the first verse, "I know your heart can get all tangled up inside..." oh man.  I'm living that right now.  I'm constantly torn between being joyful during this experience and being absolutely miffed, pissed off!  Dear Chemo, you're not always so fun. 
True, some of the things that have come out of time at the Emily Couric Cancer Center will forever make an imprint on my little life...relationships made, relationships changed, relationships grown...seeing a trend?  It brings me back to things that are important to me in life. But the actual chemo drugs suck, don't let anyone tell you differently.  It just drags me down sometimes.  Last week was especially hard, even though it was a "good week." I think the monotony of it all is getting me down.  I know what my weeks look like for the foreseeable future, I pretty much know what to expect as I recover each time...only to do it all over again in 2 weeks.  I usually live my life from one fun thing each week to the next, anybody else do this?  Like in high school my show was Alias, with Jennifer Garner and Michael Vartan-rawr!  So I would live my life from Sunday to Sunday, when new episodes aired.  Then when I went to college and started leading Young Life, my weeks went from Monday to Monday, or Club days to Club days.  Now I feel like my life is lived in 2 week increments...chemo treatment to chemo treatment.    Even this past time, meeting with my doctor was monotonous.  Nothing new to report, no major upsets in recovery, no drugs changed, no new developments (except I'm totes losing my eyebrows now too! haha)  He understood, told me it would be like this for a while, with a knowing smile upon his face.  Ah, here's where the actual struggle begins, isn't it?  It's not in the new, the different, but rather the regular everyday that shows you how you handle things...or at least that's how I feel now.

Ah, too long.  There's a need for a picture...here, enjoy this picture of my mum, oooh pretty mum!  Thanks to Jamie and Lori Inman, those secret mum-givers ;)

I'm also brought back to the Lord with this song...I'm not sure if Little Big Town intended it to be easily corresponded with the Gospel, but it sure did with me.  "Someone who loves you more than life..." hello Jesus... Shoot, the whole second verse-"Know you like the back of my hand...?!"  "When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here.." Beautiful. beautiful.

I was also brought to tears at different points in this song.  
Baby let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come and carry you away
I know everyone out there is somehow touched by Superstorm Sandy, and hearing about continued destruction, the need for food, power, basic necessities...man.  We all want to help, but what can we do?  Pray!  Donate-money, time, blood.  The Red Cross is doing great things to help those in need-go to their website and find out how you can help in your area.  Gosh, waterworks here...just started crying again.  Dang you chemo emotions!  But seriously, I'm thankful for all those who were brought through unscathed, because houses can be rebuilt, cars fixed, boats put back where they belong...but lives lost?  It's so sad.

Well thanks for stopping by, and enjoy this pic of Charlie being shy. Or was he sleeping here?