YL Celebration 2013!

I've been accused of not updating Ninny in a timely manner.  Apparently there are folks who check it everyday!  Wow.  Makes me feel like I've got celebrity status.  Thank you, all you who read.  I do appreciate it, even when I don't know you do, cause if not, it's like...like having a conversation with myself.  I also do that, though.  Whatevs.

But seriously, where does time go?  How is it already mid-March?  What?  No.  And how does it get to be weeks between when I write?  Dunno.  Time is a speedy beast.  But seriously, I usually only write when I feel like I have something to say (that I want other people to hear), which to most of you who know me comes as a surprise, because doesn't it seem like I always have something to say, whether you want to hear it or not? 

But there have been so many exciting things going on lately, I can really only attribute my lack of blogging to 3 things: 1. My biggest character flaw: laziness. 2. The day just gets away from me, and before I know it, it's my 10 pm feeding and then bedtime! or 3. Catching up on Downton Abbey.

Today I must highlight a little something called the Young Life Celebration Dinner.  Or, as us old-timers still call it, Young Life Banquet!

It's one night a year, (a no-miss event) hosted by each area to ultimately raise the salaries of the staff and staff associates for the year!  But it's also a great way to get new people introduced to the ministry of Young Life and how they can get involved!  I attended my old (tear) area's YL Celebration Dinner this past Friday night and it. was. fabulous.  They had Tim Toy as a speaker-phenomenal if you've never heard him.  He had me belly laughing, I dig his humor.   All the Area Directors spoke-great job Rhino, Mike, Derek and Chris!  They even had two student testimonies-one Capernaum gal and her mom spoke, which is really cool because we, excuse me, they-just got Capernaum in Fairfax in the last couple of years.  Capernaum is Young Life's ministry for kids with special needs.  Then they also had Ben, a high school student from West Springfield (woop woop!  Also happens to be the high school I used to lead at-go Spartans!) share a little about his life and how God's working in, around and right through it.  But you know what?  Even with all those "celebrites" highlighted, those who really need to be celebrated are the guests who attended.  All the parents, teachers, grandparents, businessmen and women, community leaders and friends who came out to (maybe for the first time) hear about Young Life and what God is doing through this ministry and how they can become involved.  That might look like prayer, it might look like donating their time, or it might look like opening their wallets and giving money to keep the ministry running.  During this tough time of recession, job loss and overall financial instability in our country, that y'all know that kids need to hear about a guy named Jesus and are willing to do something about it, is in my book-pretty cool.

 It was also the 50th Anniversary of YL in Fairfax.

Also, student speakers :)

Sidenote: got the new Mackelmore cd tonight...currently listening to "Thrift Shop" on repeat.  "I wear your granddad's clothes...I look incredible..."

Here's some of the highlights of the night for me...in pictures.

 My partner in crime for most of the night.  She totes thought somebody was going to spike the punch.  Really?  At a YL Banquet.  Bold. ;)

 Dang it-forgot to bring my own picture to add to the 50 years of awesome!  Next time, I'm all over it.

 Representing.  Originals: Kendra & Matt Andrus, they got married the year I started college.  They've got 4 kids now. Top that!

KT & Elaine Trotman: KT and I go all the way back to High School, where we both went to Great Bridge.  Wow.  Then we all went to George Mason together, they fell in love during that time and *poof* married.  Living the dream.

Paolo Cabacoy.  He did some big things in YL Capernaum and YL Fairfax overall.  Haven't kept up with him as well as I should, but he done got married, too!

Katie and I...we got married in 2007...haha, maybe not, but we've been soul mates since about that time and just cause she's 5000 miles away doesn't change anything.  She left quite a legacy in Fairfax YL, especially WSHS YL. (Chad couldn't attend cause he had to work)

Ahh!  Everybody waiting to go into the Banquet, all excited for what they're gonna hear!  Or maybe they're stoked because that punch was actually spiked...

Eric: the miraculous, the monumental, the fantastical.  YL Leader extraordinaire. And that handsome fella next to him is Ben, one of the student speakers I mentioned above.

 

Crystal.  Crazy hippy.  I do love that girl, though.  Oh, and you can't tell my my double cheeks and triple chin, but I have lost 10 lbs.  Whatttttup Operation Danner Get Fit!

Heck yes for the Banquet, heck yes for seeing old friends and hearing what God's doing in this ministry as of late.  I loved seeing everyone I did and catching up.  Thanks to the Millers for letting me crash for the night and for having a heated bed pad in your guest room.  Can muscles sigh?  Mine did.  They also smiled.  It got weird after that...

Got to my home for the evening, realizing my head wrap made me look like one of the Lost Boys from Peter Pan for most of the night...

Rolling with the punches.

Happy Tuesday, all :)

   

 

Operation Danner Get Fit

Ooh rah!  

So because our lives lack a certain Schwarzenegger-ian element, and we're battling the eternal struggle between good and evil (ie the pumped up vs. the flabby), we're getting ourselves in shape and eating right in a little thing we call Operation Danner Get Fit.  We're pretty much modeling our lives after Hans and Franz and hoping for the best.

But seriously.  Chad and I are stoked to get in shape and cut out the crap from our lives.

I'm not sure if I've written much about this (because I haven't written much at all...) but I was put on a little devil called Prednisone a few months back.  Oh you sly dog, you, big P! True, you're helping immensely to heal my sick lungs from the bleomycin toxicity, however a *fun* side effect is that I've gained close to 40 lbs now.  It sounds better to me when I say it's only 35 lbs, but that's not always true, you knowwww-sometimes you're heavier in the afternoon, or when you've just had a big meal!!...?

Truthfully the Prednisone only actually caused about 10-12 lbs of water weight...the other 30+ comes from the desire to eat and my ability to do so...constantly.  Who needs one cream puff when you can have 8?  That english muffin sounds much tastier if it has both peanut butter and Nutella on it, don't you think?  And I don't much bother with twist ties or chip clips these days...cause once the bag is open there's not much chance it's going back in the pantry.  

So, Chad and I have our work cut out for us.  We both suffer from overeating and no desire for portion control.  Also, we have a hatred for working out when there's better things to do...play on our phones, watch the cat sleep, think about our next meal...hence Operation Danner Get Fit.

Enjoy some photo evidence from today:

Sneak attack photo!  Somebody wasn't readyyy.  And evidence that I should usually smile.  I just wanted to put this one up cause it made Chad, Jack and I laugh today. 

This happened right after.  Because I'm from the generation that when I see a camera, or an iPhone facing me, I'm primed and ready for a photo-opportunity!

2 Things to point out from photo #2:
1. You know how cute it is when babies have that double chin action going on?  Not so cute on me.  And I found out from this picture that I've got double cheeks, too. 
2. Black really is slimming.  I've always appreciated that.  But even black is having a hard time keeping up here.

All this to say, we're ready!  It's going to be hard, but we're stoked to get in shape and feel good again-because it's not so much losing the weight-but I would prefer not to have to buy all new pants-but it's about being healthy and eating well and staying active and being strong!  We want to promote not only healthy living, but a desire to take care of the bodies God has entrusted to us.

So listen to Hans and Franz, and let them help you get in shape too!  They're ready to...pump (clap) you up!

Bed Head

Something I've been wanting to share these past few days....

I woke up with bed head the other day!

It happens at the crown of my head, all that hair gets smushed down and flattened out.  It's awesome.  And weird.  Check out all that peach fuzz!  I still can't seem to grow hair properly in the widows peak area though...

Do they make rogaine for women? 

Thoughts to ponder today.  Off to camp-can't wait to see some Funfax folks there!  Happy Saturday, all.

E

Mumford & Sons

& Friends. 

For Christmas, Chad and I got each other tickets to see Mumford & Sons (love) at the Patriot Center-my old stomping grounds of George Mason.  And the show was on Valentines Day- #win #noneedforflowersorchocolate. We went with a kick ass couple and had a fabulous time.  Hands down, best concert I've been to.  They narrowly outdid Toby Keith's Throwdown Tour from 2005.  You think I'm kidding?  I'm serious.  Dixie Chicks serious.  

Fun Fact: Do you know what a turkey is?  Apparently 3 strikes in bowling.  There's also something called Turkey Bowling, which the old school Funfax kids will remember from Clubs long ago.

My chemo brain is at defcon 5 tonight (lowest state of readiness...Googled that.)
So instead, enjoy some lyrics that hit me from their songs & some pics from the show last night :)

Oooh, pretty lights.

"I will hold on hope...
I'll find strength in pain..."

Look at the cuties I ran into!  Funfax is the place to be.

"It seems that all my bridges have been burnt
But you say that's exactly how this grace thing works
It's not the long walk home that will change this heart
But the welcome I receive with the restart"

The beautiful & hilarious. Lori. 

I will hold on, I will hold on hope.

#soclose!!!

 

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life.

Awake my soul, awake my soul.

Shalom and goodnight.

 

My Mixed CD

Fun Fact: because there's nary a better way to start a conversation than that, eh, Pacha?

Fun Fact: I fell in the shower the other day.  No, actually I fell *out* of the shower the other day.  Like, miss one foot in front of the other, frantically try and grab the shower curtain on your way down, hit both knees, end up with some sweet bruises.  That kind of falling out of the shower.  How did it happen?  Not quite sure.  But there I was, at the front end of the shower when alas!  I need the body wash which is at the back end of the shower.  So, naturally the right course of action is to take a detour out of said establishment before you resume the bathing for the day.   It was hilarious, and that's where Chad found me, laughing half in the tub, half on the floor, before he had to haul my big butt upright.  And! And, nothing was broken.  Cause this also happened at my in-laws house.  And re-installing a shower curtain and/or rod wasn't really in the plan for the day.  Whew.  Crisis averted.

 See that?  Bruise.  The one on my knee has already started to heal, so I took this quickly, for proof!

So I'm done with chemo.  Woo! And our fabulous Young Life family at Rockbridge, who have been so loving, so supportive through all this, led by their fearless leader Chris Baldwin, threw me a NO MO CHEMO party last night :)

The Invite, don't worry about the water stains.  That's what happens when your husband is in charge of bringing something back from work.  How cute is it?!  All those kitties, and all those stashes...love.

So I was too busy enjoying the company, the food and the conversation last night to take many pictures, but here are some highlights:

King Cake, by Matt Hypes.  No photo, but it was freaking awesome.

Stash Cake, by Bethany Powers.  (!)

All the tables were overflowing with flowers...smelled amazing, and check out how pretty they are!  (What, good singers, what?)

 And check out THIS.  Anna Banana made these beautiful, awesome, totally handmade signs for our house :)  I.am.STOKED.  I put up two of them today, but still trying to decide where the rest of them are gonna be stationed around the house.

Anna also made me a kick-ass mixed CD, and on my second listen today, couldn't believe I missed the MJ song that was on it.  #win.

What a great way to start the end of all this!  

Thank you RAS Fam-damily.  I'm overwhelmed by the love, and there's much more behind these words, but Thank you. 

Land of 1000 thoughts

When's the last time you picked up your guitar?  Lost in Translation. Take it easy.  "You dirty liar."  Where did you put those shoes, Chad?  Did you actually write back to that person?  How about those thank you notes?  What did the dr. say when he called last week?  Do I do this on my computer or iPad?  QT at the coffee shop or home today?  Be present.  Stop eating so much.  Lift my hands and spin around, see the light that I have found.  Marvelous light.  Zac Brown Band.  Bucket list: stay at a Travelodge, go to Cuba.  My next favorite thing is eating lunch at 10:30 am.  Hootie.

And my most used phrase these days, "Chad you didn't tell me that."  

When, 10 minutes to 1 hour later and many harsh words we realize that he in fact did tell me whatever I was adamant that he didn't. Because I just don't remember.

Chemo brain these days.  That's what we're looking at here.

All that nonsense at the beginning of this post?  I can account for almost half of it, the other half I wrote down in my "blog" note on my phone so I wouldn't forget, but I don't know why.  Not sure why many of these (and countless others that I've already forgotten to remember) were at one time running through my head, but they were.  Thousands of nonsensical thoughts...every day.  Yet I can't remember the things I want to remember.

My chemo brain, and hopefully not my forever brain, is in full force. It's been the bain of my existence these...few weeks?  Few months?  You could convince me that it's been years, except that I'm with it just enough to know that this journey has only been with us for 6 months.  Nice try. 

Right now I'm joyful.  So joyful because we had an awesome evening.  I'll write about it later...or later in this post, let's see how we feel.  Come, travel this journey with me!  :)

It makes me sad to write about my forgetfulness though.  Anyone, especially Ali and CP, can attest to me not having a great memory to start with...so I'm not exactly playing with a full deck, if you catch my drift. 

But it's been so bad lately.  And I wasn't able to fully articulate until Saturday night, when Chad and I...no.  No, it was last night.  Monday night.  Anyway, we got into it...a fight.  I can't even recall what started it.  But it was bad.  We were not on the same page, not reading the same book...we couldn't seem to get either of our points across effectively.  Which is frustrating on many levels...one being that I was a communication major.  And I can tell you, from 5 years of college, that communication isn't what you say, it's what the other person hears.  Well, we were hearing all sorts of stuff, and just both being frustrated and mean to each other, both wanting to be right...and I finally had a break.  A joyous, exciting, dreadful, depressing break.  I came to the realization that I had to admit something to myself as well as Chad...I was frustrated and stubborn about being "right," when I couldn't (be right) because I couldn't remember.  [I know this is hard to follow right now...it is for me, too, bear with me.  I hope it gets easier]  I've been having memory problems since pretty early on in my chemo-ness, but hey!  I could blame it on the chemo...and I shall call you "chemo brain." And you shall be mine.  you shall be my squishy.   ....Finding Nemo tangent...

Well, something that I've known for the past month or so, but not even been willing to admit to myself, has been that I can't remember.  I can't remember conversations.  I can't remember doing things.  Not doing things.  Where I put things.  When I put things.  Did I actually write back to that person or did I tell myself to do it enough that I imagined it?

I'm also kind of a procrastinator, so that doesn't help anything.

But I can't remember.  However, I can function.  I can get through my days.  I can shower and get dressed and remember to eat...ohh how I remember to eat these days!  I can do enough that I can fool myself that everything's ok.  Or that it's not as bad as it is.  But that's not true.  And I think I can admit it now, 1. Because I was able to admit it to the person I try and be most vulnerable with, Chad. and 2. Because in this way, I'm letting y'all hold me accountable to what's going on in my life.  I never actively try and be sneaky with you, you my friends and family and support.  I try and be vulnerable and transparent about my life.  But I revert back to self-preservation mode sometimes and I can't quite explain why I do what I do.  But I do it.  haha.

Every time I wrote "I can't remember," I teared up.  I wanted to cry.  Because it breaks my heart.  It kills me a little inside.  Because I'm selfish and I'm thinking of myself, but I don't want it to be like this forever.  I want this forgetfulness to GO AWAY!  I want my old memory back-flawed as it was.  People have been asking me a lot lately, (since I finished chemo 3 weeks ago-wow, has it been that long already?) "how does it feel?  Does it feel good to be done?" And I answer honestly, "yes, it feels good to be done with chemo, but it hasn't fully set in yet."  "I think that will take time, months, years maybe."  But I think it hasn't set it yet because it's not fully finished yet either.  I'm starting another part of this journey of my life.  Recovery.  And it doesn't quite look like I thought it would.  My feet are still partially numb.  I still have difficulty breathing.  I still need naps. (nah, that's a life-long thing ;) )  And I still have chemo brain.  And it's gotten worse.  And in some ways, it's all getting harder.  Harder to deal with what's happening now vs. what I just went through.  Say what?

And while I don't feel like I fully articulated what I'm feeling and thinking and dreading and living right now, I hope this snapshot helps explain a little.  Why I'm still not getting back to you, why that email, text, etc. continues to go unanswered.  Why when we speak face to face I might seem distracted.  It's just because I can't concentrate.  It's not you, it's me, really!  Ha.  Conversations are often difficult for me.  My brain goes off to another place...it's fuzzy and gray and cloudy.  And it's a place I can't always leave.  Coffee helps.  For a hot second.  And I hate it.  I do. (not the coffee, the other stuff) I hate not feeling like myself and not even being able to explain why.  I hate thinking that this might not ever go away.  Or that this might be my new normal.  If this is what God's got in store for me, I might as well get used to it, but I hope not.  And I don't want to believe it.  And I hate that it affects my whole life, not just bits and pieces, the cancer/chemo pieces.  It's all my relationships that are affected.  It's everyone I come in contact with.  And it's those who love me best who get the worst of it, because you've gotten the "trying too hard, Emily" who tries to overcompensate for my shortcomings and...just crashes and burns. 

But I do still believe with all my heart what Romans says, that "Trials and tribulations produce perseverance, and perseverance produces character and character hope, and hope does not disappoint..."  So it's not the crap we go through, but how we react to it...Forrest Gump had it right when he helped create that bumper sticker... "Shit Happens."  I just hope he remembered to put three dots at the end so we remember that it doesn't stop there...

since I hate a post without a pic, enjoy this polaroid of little Ninny, mid yawn. 

No more classes, no more books...

No more teachers dirty looks!

Nahhh, just no more chemo! Last one was today, friends. Thanks for standing with me during this journey. This won't be a riveting post, because I just woke up from a nap and am headed back to bed now :) But enjoy a pic or two from today. So stoked.

xoxo Em & Chad.